Fashion shows are usually my little piece of Disneyland. You get to see magical creations from these geniuses that we call designers. From properly constructed dresses to custom tailored suits and from time-to-time, if you are lucky and in the right type of show, you see these extravagant pieces that you know deep inside you will never look good in, but can not help but simply still gawk at and appreciate.

Fashion shows are a chance for designers to express their creativity, personality and cutting edge designs. The clothes they make represent who they are as a part of the industry, what makes them unique and what makes them stand out from the rest of the millions of designers out there. These shows are crucial especially to the up and coming ones. To put it out simply, if you are not ready, do not do it unless you want to make a fool of yourself, fall and carry that scar around wherever you go. There is no way the brilliant minds of this industry can easily excuse or palliate your dirty work.

Now let us move on to why I christened this entry as such and how my little piece of heaven was crushed and stomped on by Lucifer himself.

With the expectations I had in mind, I was deluded by a recent show I attended. Considering it was labeled as ‘prestigious’, I honestly expected a lot from it. It was a show for fashion designers to show off their custom made chef-d’oeuvre. Instead all we got were supposedly hyped up versions of Ready-To-Wear collections. Promod had genuinely better items and since when was RTW considered as high fashion?

Let me narrate the whole experience as short as possible:

Before the show began, which was thirty minutes late (typical Filipino fashion which I was sort of okay with), they were showing a slideshow of all the designers who were about to introduce their collections. Trying my hardest not to be so judgmental and shallow since we are talking about fashion here, the only thing I noticed was they all had one thing in common: Paris. Not Paris Hilton, my dear haters, but Paris as in the beautiful city of France, one of the four fashion capitals of the world. It is like this is a must-have for every designer to put in their resume. Maybe these designers have never heard of New York, Milan and London? And can we add Tokyo to that list? No matter, it made me sick. Add some variety to your experiences, look around you. Try to build substance in the country you live in. In defense to those designers though, it is healthy to travel and participate in different cultures but at least reflect that on your work, do not leave it as bragging rights if you actually have respect for what you do.

Now to the collections!

First, let us talk about the menswear collection that night. Nothing but one designer, came close to the style and practice of an actual man. If you base your collection on a theme or genre, please make sure you meet the standards. Saying your collection is inspired by Hip Hop, we expect your pieces to look more like Kanye West or P. Diddy, full of life, color and history, not something that looks like it came out of Alexander Wang’s closet. Just because your clothes are loosely fitted and paired with white sneakers, doesn’t instantly make your items Hip Hop. You have to dig deep, look into it’s soul before you start making an entry that will insult a culture.

Speaking of Alexander Wang, I saw a lot of apparel that were inspired by him that night. The casually cool, downtown style that embodies Alexander Wang. I personally believe that most Filipino designers lack the knowledge when it comes to menswear. They are all trapped in these four walls: rock and roll, sex, suits and casual wear, most of them can not even get out. I think it is time for Filipino men to start breaking their shell and express their personalities through the clothes they wear. If a few designers can lead a pack, the rest will follow. Maybe rock and roll is your thing, maybe not but when all of you think of the same thing and no one is any different, there is something wrong.

Combat boots does not describe a hardcore male fashionista. Where are the bags, the 2012 fashion trend for men: two tone, the skirts, colorful pieces and the ever-so-beautiful double monks?

On a lighter side of things, I would like to send my appreciation to that one designer who brought in dresses for men. But next time, make it look more flattering. Do not make your model look like he is about chant with one of the Gregorian monks or post-circumcision.

Raf Simons Fall 2010

Let us have a temporary sex change and divert ourselves to the ultimate sinners that evening, the women.

Now, let me just start with the models. Although some people will never find curvy attractive, I personally think that is just a matter of getting used to. Marilyn Monroe was not waif-like but she was a sex symbol and most of the women in this country are not size zero. Designers should throw maybe one or two plus size models every now and then. It sometimes just looks dead to me, so maybe a little meat can compensate for the lack of creativity. Most of the models I saw are emaciated. More like clothes hangers than people actually wearing clothes. There is a limit to how thin you are, and that is called Gisele Bundchen, not horror house skeletal. Maybe you were born that way? Well that may be the first time I have witnessed a spawn of two skeletons. I should congratulate you for being the first of your kind.

When using fashion icons or let us just the generalize the term, celebrities, as your inspiration, make sure you envision these people actually wearing your clothes or if they would actually even wear it, and if you do not get that close to your incentive, I advise you just label your collection as Scheiße. Very Gaga and it lives up to your collection.

The R’nB collection. Beyonce would never wear a wrap dress and leggings or an ordinary dress with a very low neck line in her concerts. If she was, she would not be Beyonce or she would actually go to Forever 21 and save herself some money to buy a cheeseburger. Most R’nB women are flamboyant. I saw nothing of that. It really looked like a retail shop was doing a show that night.

A collection has to compose of different looking pieces. Not the same dress recycled over and over again. I do not know who these designers are trying to please. The fashion industry or Greenpeace.

Craftsmanship is very important. Your illustrations and rendering might look commendable, but if you do not know how to sew, your work will look like it has been done by a frog, and that is saying something because frogs can not sew, just like you. Now you have something you can collaborate with.

Now to Lady Gaga. The woman is all about no boundaries. If you take a look at her wardrobe, everything to her is wearable. Just because your wedge is covered with glitters or your jumpsuits are covered in Tron-like line details, does not, in any way make it instantly Lady Gaga. This is how you trample on their dreams: take away the glitters and the details, the clothes will look ordinary; take Lady Gaga’s Kermit the Frog details, she is naked. The details make the dress, not the other way around. Besides the collection is very much based on Alexander Wang’s Spring 2012 regarding on the Tron-like details and masculine structure.

Britney Spears is not a fashion icon. She is a music icon but there was not even a single piece that lived up to the Toxic singer. Not even her famous, hipster jeans or her patent leather jumpsuit. So do not make me start nagging about how they ruined Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe because I guarantee the apocalypse will be here sooner than the 21st of December this year.

Although the color blocking collection was not so bad, it was actually pretty decent and well constructed. But overall, majority of the collections failed. Most of the clothes did not even fit properly, it looked like a disease was hanging on the model’s body. There was no edge, no variety or even a piece that made everyone’s jaw drop. It plateaued miserably. Aside from the color blocking, there were no leopard prints to be found anywhere, thank goodness. There is nothing high-end about that these days, unless you are asking for extreme Kardashian attention. Leave that to the retail shops, do not put it on the runway anymore.

• By: Veronica Chiongbian
• photos from Veronica Chiongbian Tumblr website