Ever caught yourself scrolling through your Instagram timeline, seeing pictures of other people looking so good, living their lives in constant travels and shopping, and then thinking God, I’m so lame or I’ll never be like her? Or maybe going to the mall and seeing other people with their glamorous clothes, bags and clear bright skin and then thinking, I’m not pretty enough like her?
“Well, there goes your self-esteem. Down the drain it goes,” the voices say.
It’s these voices in our head that make a sunny day seem gloomy. The worst part about it is that these voices are our own; we’ve become our own critic.
Low self-esteem is when one lacks self-confidence and feels bad about her/himself. Those with low self-esteem tend to hate and constantly blame themselves. They don’t feel that they’re not good enough for anything and are unable to make decisions.
Although low self-esteem is not a mental health problem, the two are closely related. Some experiences of low self-esteem can become symptoms of mental health problems. If these negative experiences continue to happen for a long time, they may lead to mental health problems like anxiety or depression.
And since we wouldn’t want you to go down that direction, we’ve come down with a list of simple yet effective ways to slowly but surely silence that judgmental voice in your head:
No negative self-talk
First things first; you’re all you have so don’t put yourself down. Don’t feed your brain with negative thoughts, because then your body will radiate negativity in different forms, like through your behavior, your personality and your overall outlook in life. Instead, challenge that critical voice in your head against these negative self-beliefs by saying “Hey, stop it!”
Stop comparing
Your self-esteem gets flushed once you start comparing yourself to others; you start to talk negatively to yourself, which violates step one. Remember that you have your own strengths and assets and focus on them even more.
Exercise and eat right
Take care of yourself physically, too! According to Psychology Today, exercising empowers both your physical and mental health and organizes your day around self-care. To add to that, exercising helps improve your sleep patterns making you feel good even more. Pair that with a good and healthy diet, you and your body will feel its best.
Take a 2-minute self-appreciation break
Everyday, take time to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself three things that you appreciate about yourself. According to the Positivity Blog, doing this does not only boost your esteem, but also turns a negative mood around. For a more powerful boost, write three things you appreciate about yourself in the evening; it may be in your journal or your phone, then you can read them later on the following days to make you feel good about yourself even more.
Be your own best friend
Imagine yourself to be your best friend and say things to yourself the way she/he would tell you. What would your best friend tell you when you’re feeling down? She’ll definitely say, “It’s okay” or “you can do it,” right? So tell that to yourself instead of dwelling on your mistakes. Cheer yourself on. “Go self!”
Be kinder to other people
Be kind and the world will be. Kindness not only brings joy to others, but to you as well. Knowing you’ve made others happy creates a sense of fulfillment. Be of service to others; it makes you appreciate yourself even more when you help others with their problems or even do them some favors.
Forgive
Grudges may sometimes be the reason why you’re down. According to Psychology Today, by holding onto bitter feelings and resentment, we keep ourselves in a cycle of negativity. Think about those people who have caused that grudge and try to forgive him/her for what she did. It’ll lift a load on yourself once you’ve done so.
Spend time with those you love
Surround yourself with a healthy atmosphere and spend time with people who support you, rather than those who let you down. Talk to them about your problems, they’ll say the things you just needed to hear to feel better.
]]>In this busy life that we live, we’re almost always occupied with demands like workload, deadlines, and life in general. Sometimes the pressure becomes too hard to handle and it leads us to this very familiar place called Stress Ville.
Stress isn’t always bad. In article written by Jeanne Segal, Ph.D, she writes that “Stress can, in small doses, help you do things under pressure and motivate you to do your best,” (shout out to fellow procrastinators). But if this becomes a regular habit of yours, your mind and body will definitely pay the price. Frequent visits to Stress Ville can lead to serious health problems such as depression or anxiety, sleep problems, heart disease, memory and weight problems.
Handle stress. Don’t let it handle you.
It’s good and healthy to take a break every once in a while to relieve you of the effects of stress. We’ve rounded up a few activities you deserve to do to break from the hustle and bustle of life and to become the best version of yourself:
Exercise
Rub off the negative energy with muscle movement. Exercising releases feel-good chemicals to your body. You may start by taking a stroll outside. Walking lets you connect with the environment and see positivity. Aside from that, you could also look up for relaxation exercise videos on YouTube that you can do at home.
Meditate
Meditation can help you clear your head and ease anxiety. All you need to do is go to a comfortable position, focus on your breathing, and constantly say “I am at peace” or “I love myself.” You’ll feel more relaxed and relieved after doing so. Omm…
Sleep
After all the stressful work you’ve been doing, you deserve to have some rest. Reward yourself with some sleep. Take a 10 to 30-minute power nap and you’ll feel energized afterwards.
Eat
This is what many of us resort to when under a lot of stress. It’s good to eat when stressed, but make it a point to eat only the stuff that’s good for you and your body. Processed foods stress your body, making you feel drained. A granola bar or a fruit smoothie not only fills you up, it helps your body be at its best shape. Talk about hitting two birds with one stone, right?
Listen to music
Music moves the soul. Crank up your favorite artists and listen to the songs that speak to you. According to Web MD, listening to music hat relaxes you can lower blood pressure, heart rate, and anxiety. So move with the music, sing and dance your heart out.
Spend time with friends or family
After spending all day with problems and pressure, make some time for some bonding. Surround yourself with people who love and support you. Share your experiences and worries with them, and talk about what’s bugging you. It’ll help lighten the load you’re carrying. Web MD says, “You can get a fresh perspective while keeping you connection strong.”
Watch videos that make you laugh
Type in funny cat videos compilations or cute baby pandas sneezing on your search bar and it’ll complete your day. When it comes to stress, laughter is the best medication. Laughing releases endorphins, the happy chemical of the body, to help ease it after undergoing stress. The right funny videos that brings the laughter out of you will help lighten your whole mood and will make you forget of your worries.
]]>In the light of the recent spate of suicides, especially that of Anthony Bourdain, whom I greatly admired, I felt called to write, once again, about depression and suicide. Contrary to popular belief, talking about it doesn’t make it increase. I, for one, was only diagnosed with depression once in my life, and that was after I gave birth, when my baby girl was a few months old. I was exhausted and isolated in a small French town with my infant child, while her father (my ex-husband) left for work early and came home late. I went to see a doctor because I was constantly tired. I mentioned to the doctor that apart from being exhausted, I was also crying a lot – pretty much every day, upon waking. The doctor put me on Zoloft straight away – apparently more suitable for me than Xanax as I was still working on anger issues on top of the rest. And once again, though I was pretty lost and disconnected with myself, I knew I could easily get addicted to anti-depressants, so vowed to myself not to take them beyond three months. That’s about the time it took me to get my life back on track.
I basically had post-partum depression without knowing it. The baby books I had bought didn’t mention it, and there was not much blogging for new moms out there at the time. I’m pretty sure my mom didn’t have it, and since she was my role model for mothering, I was ill-prepared. I was truly depressed, but not suicidal; just tired, sad, lonely and guilty for being a new mom and feeling that way.
The first time I experienced depression, I was not medically diagnosed. I was sixteen years old and had problems at home, so I wanted to end my life. The only thing holding me back was the thought of bringing grief to my mother. It was my connection to her that stopped me from taking action on that plan, which was the only way I could imagine putting a stop to the emotional pain I was experiencing at that time. The thought of making her sad was even more unbearable than what I thought of as my sad life at the time. And yet, here I was living comfortably, in a beautiful apartment overlooking Repulse Bay in Hong Kong, getting good grades in the International Baccalaureate program of an exclusive private school.
Nowadays, through my work at the Gassho Center for Healing Arts, I deal with people regularly who are depressed and suicidal. I am not an expert in this field, but I do know that this state of being is linked to isolation and loneliness, so I make myself available to hold space for them and be genuinely present and caring. Every single one of us can do so much by just allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and attentive to our own feelings and emotions. That is the first step in reaching out genuinely towards others. Still, I constantly have to remind myself to be kind, to myself first and then to others, from a restaurant employee or shop keepers, to my husband or daughter.
Mindfulness and mediation has helped me so much in this way. Each thought we have can either come from a place of fear or from a place of openness and love. I remember this native American story from Clarissa Pinkola Este’s Women Who Run with the Wolves: A wise man was once asked, “There are two hungry wolves constantly battling within us. Which one will win?” The wise man replied, “The one you feed.”
I would gladly reply to your comments at reikicebu@gmail.com.
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